Sushi, Jason Bateman, and Crickets

This evening after visiting my grandmother, LoverMan and I headed over to Socttsdale for some sushi dinner. Oh delicious. The trouble is Scottsdale. Arizona is still pretty much a pioneer state, and Scottsdale is where the money is. It’s absurd, really, becuase there’s no difference between me sweating to death in my $20 Gap t-shirt and some rich twit sweating to death in her $400 some other place’s t-shirt. We’re all sweating to death. Ok, no one is sweating to death, we ALL live in air conditioning. My point is that we were out a cool sushi bar and some asshat next to me was barking “Amigo! Where is my roll? It took ten minutes to get my beer and I have to wait half an hour for my roll? This is ridiculous!” There are so many things wrong with what he said and how he said it. I wanted to poke him in the eye with my chopstick, which, by the way, I had an extremely difficult time holding.
Next: Jason Bateman. I love Jason Bateman. I think it’s interesting to note that the men I love all have J names. Jim, my one true love for real. Jason Bateman, from Arrested Development which was the BEST show ever besides Twin Peaks. StingRay Jim, who to this day I love and want nothing but happiness and well-being for. Geezer John. I didn’t love him, but J. Gay Kelley. That wasn’t so much love as it was dirty lovin’. (Which, naturally, makes the Gay part of Gay Kelley nothin’ but sass.) No J there but I can’t help but mention him. Where was I? Oh yeah. Joaquin Phoenix.
Jason Bateman is filming a movie here in Phoenix. Who wants to film a movie in Phoenix? It’s called The Kingdom, check out imdb.com for absolutely no help whatsoever. Jennifer Garner is in it, too. Fancy!
And finally, this: for some reason I am plagued by crickets. They crawl in through the drain in my kids’ bathtub. They are all over and I hate them with a burning passion. Raid Natural SomethingorOther Deadly Spray has become our air freshener of choice. You know how every home has its own scent? And later on in life you’ll have a smell memory? In years to come I’ll smell Raid and remember this place. Crickets, stay away. Death awaits you here.
Ah, I forgot perhaps the BEST J name- William Shatner. James T. Kirk.
Good night, dollies.
And Ed, I formally DARE you to learn how to knit. If you post proof of your acceptance of this challange AND your attempts, I shall arrange a prize. It shall be grand. Game on?

PK, if I died, here’s what my cremation memorial plaque would read:

‘What will your obituary say?’ at QuizGalaxy.com

I WILL be terribly missed at the Legion. The French Foreign Legion, that is! Ooh la la, les histoires ils peuvent racont! Or something.

And this has been edited, because I type too qiuckly and pay too little attention.