Sing yourself some Barry White

26 09 2006


Ok, I’ve been finger printed and now eagerly await my clearance card. In anticipation of being employed outside the home, and knowing that Lucette needed a friend, I went out and picked up a new piggie. Chlo thinks her name is Gonzo, but that won’t do. Piggie #2 is beautiful, she’s got crazy hair and a little cowlick. I’d take pictures of her, but Lucette won’t leave her alone long enough for me to get in a picture. Turns out Miss Lucette enjoys the intimate company of ladies! Who knew? (I’m sure this is a normal guinea pig getting-to-know-you thing, don’t be scolding me now!) They’re very cute together, and I wish them a lifetime of happiness together here in our home. The Misses Piggies will be instrumental in teaching my children that it doesn’t matter WHO we love, but rather THAT we love. Thank you. Yeehaa, hot guinea pig pr0n! This hot love, by the way, is taking place on my son’s bed while the sheets are being washed. Lucette whizzed on them last night. I do allow my children to sleep on nice sheets and blankets, I promise.
(Lucette is the white and gray smooth girl, #2 is the crazy mohawk girl)





Woman of Leisure, Part 2

26 09 2006

Because Blogger ate Part One.

So yesterday morning, after my thousandth bitch to the universe about how I hated my job, I began filling out my grad school application. The deadline is next week…. Anyway, dropped the kids off at school, came home and did about on hour of work/grad application/griping again about the job, and then I got this email from my now former boss:

To: Kathy
From: Bossman
Re: Last day

Kathy,

I am traveling right now, up in the Bay Area, but I need to call you to discuss in person, the reasons that we are unable to continue employment for you here with us.

I will be authorizing a final payment to you, as a 2 week severance pay, just because I don’t like having to do this and understand that you are on hard times.

With (name of big/only real client removed because I don’t wanna get sued) on a holding pattern, I need to focus our attention on generating new sales for the company and will not have the time to dedicated to train you further and keep you pointed in the right direction.

I will ensure you receive all commissions owed for any of the checks we receive on any candidates for (that big client) or other clients in which you participated in the resume formatting or background, etc.

I will be happy to provide a reference for you.

I will call you later today to complete an exit.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news on a Monday,

…RY

Well! Apparently in addition to being a rather poor business man, (and I mean poor in both quality of character and the monetary sense) he’s a HUGE Sex in the City fan. Who knew that people could actually be so … so … lame, and as my dear friend and mentor Laurie says, “ball-less” as to fire someone in an email! It’s like leaving a post-it that reads “I can’t do this anymore” or right now or whatever he wrote to dump Carrie. The truth is, there was nothing for me to do. There weren’t enough consultants being hired to keep me busy with processing them, there weren’t enough job orders for me to recruit for, and I hated sales the way Tibalt hated Romeo: without sense, without reason, simply for BEING. (that’s not why Tibalt hated Romeo, but it was the only example that i came up with.) So this job clearly was on its last leg. But I resent the statement that I require more training.

If you must know, I believe I am smarter than this man. His email up there is precisely how he sent it to me, bad grammar and rampant misuse of punctuation and all! His emails to our clients are the same, with names not properly capitalized, multiple exclamation points and question marks. Who does that? He also goes nuts with the bold, italics, and underlining. Any email from ExBossMan is sure to be typed in no fewer that three colors. Anyway, I think I’m smarter than he is, so for him to say I need more training is what bugs me the most. Not being unemployed, not being fired, but the fact that this dummy says I need more training. Pffft.

Also, not that it’s any of his business, but I am not “on hard times.” I have a nest egg, I’m no dummy. Could it be that he realized he didn’t pay me a decent salary? Perhaps. But I’m not “on hard times.” Asshat.

Here’s another tidbit, and perhaps someone could offer a bit of clarification: This weekend I asked the payroll department (his SISTER) why $200/month was being taken out of my paycheck for health/dental when the company covered all of our costs. That was Saturday. And on Monday I got the boot. Hm….

Now, as you know, I was going to quit. I’d been bitching about it for weeks. It takes me a long time to leave a job. I have a hard time with what I imagine would be letting people down, even when I’m miserable. It’s not that I believe I’m so great and will devastate the Left-ee, no, it’s that I’m a coward and don’t like confrontation. There. I said it. And on Blogger, no less, so it HAS to be true!

So ExBossman did me a favor, I guess, since now not only do I not have to work for him, but I can also collect unemployment! Do you think that would sour him on his promise to pay me my commissions, though? Because that’s not typical. Usually, once you’re gone you’re gone and they pocket any money you had coming. Must investigate this further.

Here’s my to-do list today:

1. Get fingerprinted and send in the card to the people who process it.
2. Call leasing office about our plague o’ crickets
3. Call surrounding school districts and set up interviews for substitute teaching
4. Order all college transcripts to be sent to ASU.
5. Pick my butt.
6. Watch TV with a clear conscience.
7. Finish grad school application and have my darling Yorkstress eyeball my Personal Statement.

Well, lovelies, there we have it.





But but but! Bossman, I don’t REALLY hate you! WAIT A MINUTE!

21 09 2006

Yeah, never mind. I really do hate bossman. Get this. I just realized that for the past two months my paychecks have been about $100 less then previous weeks. Hm. I wonder what’s going on? So I emailed our payroll department, aka Bossman’s sister and asked if I were crazy or were my payckecks less. She said that more deductions were being taken out for our health and dental. That’s weird, because previously we had ZERO taken out. Bossman pays up to $450/month for our health and dental. Fine, we were well below that, believe it or not. So how does our premium suddenly increase by $200 a month? Doesn’t that seem a little…. steep? Especially since the cost covered was less than $450? And oops, she “forgot” to tell me. Never mind, Boss. I DO hate you. I quit. This isn’t right and if you think I”m sticking around for this shady shit, you’re nuts. HA! Such silliness. The problem with working for a small business owner is that his dreams are not my own. That doesn’t mean I don’t care about my job, it just means that I’m here to do a job, not chase after his dream with him. And so, Bossman, I’ll be leaving you. I need to sit down with JungleJim and figure out the logistics first, but I’ll be leaving you. Does anyone have any idea how indcredibly happy I am to be going into teaching? Becoming a certified substitute is as easy as a) having a BA and b) getting finger-printed. Voila! Substitute teacher. I laugh myself silly imagining my classroom once my Masters degree is done. I know why I waited so long, I know why I get into this rut. But it just feels SO good to be getting out of it!

Ok.

Here are some things I’ve knitted, just so people know I’m not an interloper in the Knittyboard! I belong there, I really do! Because blogger gives me hives when it comes to uploading pictures, here are the descriptions in no particular order. The red and purple thing is going to be a pair of Red Had Ladies’ Society-style Fuzzy Feet (Theresa, Grand Authoress of the pattern, has no affiliation with the Red Hat Ladies, I’m sure) for my mother. I think individually the colors are gorgeous. Together they’re clownish, but hey. All for you, mother. Both colors are Knit Picks WOTA, tomato and amythest.

The brown and blue sock, which I happen to think is absolutely AWESOME, is for my Dad. The pair are his Christmas present from me and the kids. I LOVE them! The yarn is Cascade and then Lamb’s Pride wool/mohair on the toe and heel. They’re SO comfy, my kids now want a pair. I’ll give them DPNs instead!

The purple thing… that’s going to be a Froofy Hat from The Garter Belt Design Team. (Hooray, Zib, creator of wondrous things and check out that gorgeous kid, would ya? She just breaks my heart.) I don’t know, I like the colors, I LOVE the pattern, but they don’t go well together. The pattern is getting lost in the colors and they each deserve to be the star. On the other hand, with a color combo like that, maybe a subtle pattern is good? I don’t know. It’s for mi big girl niece Bananne. My little girl niece will receive one in yellow. The yarn is stuff I picked up from JoAnn’s, the light purple is all wool and the dark is some soft fuzzy thing. Very warm, very sturdy….

And there we have it! Today has been such a day, what with the email fiasco and all. But it’s turned out very well so far! Hooray!





So what you’re telling me is you’re fat?

17 09 2006

Now, I’ve had some mighty interesting conversations with my ex-husband over the past few months. I’ll admit with some small shame that I purposefully brought up in court, for the sole reason of causing him pain and embarrassment, that his birth mother was impregnated by her father’s brother, which by plain genetic reasoning makes him, my ex-husband, in-bred. It’s true. And he was adopted by two if the most startlingly hateful human beings ever. Case in point- when my ex-husband married his first wife he didn’t tell his parents for two whole years. Anyway. Henceforth I shall refer to the ex-husband as SH. Perhaps those are his initials, perhaps that stands for Shit Head. Perhaps both. It makes no never mind.

Recently SH and I have been in a fierce disagreement regarding the kids’ extra-curricular activities. SH thinks it’s perfectly reasonable for a 3rd and 4th grader to be up until 9:30 on a school night at karate class. I think that’s absurd, especially knowing my Little Miss Sunshine as I do. There’s a very thin line between not enough and just enough sleep with her. Approach it at your peril because little sister woman can be a beastie if she’s on the wrong side of that line. Somehow this has spiraled into a mean e-mail fight. By the way, this is why I never communicate important things in email. It can go oh so wrong. Anyway, after some nonsense of his about how I am teaching the kids to be lazy (because I don’t want them up til 9:30 on a school night) I reminded him of something a dear friend of ours once said- that SH is the fattest vegetarian on the planet. It’s true, he is. For some reason SH replied to that with “I weigh 235 pounds and my body fat percentage is 29.” He’s 5’10, by the way. I already pointed out that he’s fat; what is this surprising turn of events, this agreeing with me? (I have a big butt and I cannot lie. It’s not like I’m Nicole Kidman here. I’ll be honest.) Why is he giving me the numbers, the actual facts that validate my taunt? For this I say, readers, repent. The end is nigh.

On a totally unrelated topic, please someone explain this to me. Let’s say that a person, a person of rather grand importance if you subscribe to his religious beliefs, made a statement which included a quote of someone who, centuries before, held the same post as this subjectively important person. Let’s say that this quote said some rather unpleasant things of an entire group of people, a group of people who subscribed to an entirely different set of religious beliefs. The present day Head Honcho quoted Honcho from Centuries Long Over, and threw the offended masses (no pun intended) into an uproar of sorts. Here’s my confusion- let’s say someone said “Bubba once said ‘All people with purple hair are evil.’ ” Let’s go further and say you had purple hair. I’m sure you’d be offended. Now. To demonstrate your umbrage, would you burn down random houses of worship that had nothing to do with the hater of purple hair? Would you threaten the lives, safety, and well-being of people somewhat associated with the Quoter of Purple Hair Hatred? Or, to prove that people with purple hair were in fact NOT evil, would you instead say “Hey, jerk, that’s uncool. We’re not evil. Why, just last week we… (and then you’d go on to list the myriad beneficent and plentiful Good Deeds you and your purple-haired brethren had done).” Doesn’t that make better sense?

I’m not looking to start a debate. And as this is my own corner of the internet, I’ma gonna delete anything that might make it on here that I don’t like. I’m simply voicing my unease, my lack of understanding. All life is sacred. There is no God but God. (It sounds cooler in Arabic but I forgot how to say it.) And what is God but our interpretation of something which cannot be interpreted?

Look! Isn’s this a pretty picture? JungleJim took it during our vacation to Mexico.





I love you, Guinea Pig!

12 09 2006

This Sunday we got a guinea pig. Why? Why did we do this? My kids have several cats and a few dogs at their father’s house. I held onto a smug pride that our house is not overrun by Animals and Their Smell. A few months ago, however, I decided we should have a small dog. Thank heavens I realized that I do not want a dog because the responsibility and cost are too much. Then I decided that I wanted to have another baby. I was consumed with this desire, it was all I could think about. My kids are nearly ten and 8 1/2 years old, so it’s been a while since I’ve done baby things. Anyway, I WANTED that baby, I NEEDED that baby, the soft skin, the baby hair, the tiny hands and feet, nursing, baths, everything. And then I called my older sister who has a four year-old, a three year-old, and a 1.5 year-old. Afterwards, I no longer wanted a baby. But I needed something to care for, something that didn’t make a lot of poop, a big stench, or would take up a lot of space in our home. So on Sunday Chlo and I went to the pet store and spied with our little eyes this little creature: I know. She’s too precious. Chlo named her Lucette. Not Lettuce, Lucette. Ok then. I LOVE this guinea pig. I love her in ways I never knew it was possible to love a rodent. She is snuggly, funny, sweet, sometimes spastic, and an endless source of entertainment. I love her. And since I work at home, she is very often on my lap munching an orange or the occasional carrot. Yes. I have flipped my lid over a guinea pig, me, the person who has trouble forming attachments to animals. (Yes, her eyes are red but she is NOT possessed by the devil. We made sure to ask. And she’s nowhere near chewing distance of the cables you see.)

Ok. Moving on because I’m starting to sound creepy to myself, even.
Here’s one of the socks I’m knitting for my Dad. It’s a Christmas surprise, so Dad, on the one in a quadrillion chance that you’re reading this, stop looking.
yep. There it is. Let me tell you about this sock. But first, I must give mad love to Theresa once again, whose Fuzzy Feet taught me how to knit a sock. Hooray! Ok. So this sock. When I added the blue for the heel I must have added it on a knit row, or a purl row, I don’t know. Now, instead of knitting each row, I had to turn the sock inside out and purl every row. I don’t know how that happened, and it seems simple enough to fix, but then I’d be going back over a row and wouldn’t I then have a dropped stitch or a hiccup or something? I don’t know, so I soldier on and keep purling. I hate purling, I truly do. I can’t purl with my eyes closed and it takes me forever. So Dad, I really love you. Hope you enjoy these socks!

And that, my friends, is all because Miss Piggie needs some cuddles. (This is so unlike me!)





On Boppa and Knitting

7 09 2006

For some reason we called my dad’s dad Boppa. And our grandmother was called Banna. Last year Boppa died after a very serious injury that he sustained while at the assisted living facility that was supposed to see him safely through his twilight years, not shuffle him out as quickly as possible. Boppa was crushed by the swinging door which led to the kitchen of the grand dining room. This is heart breaking on its own, but made even more so by the fact that he was the third person to have been injured by this door. Anyway. Throughout his life Boppa was the absolute picture of generosity, compassion, love, and companionship. He was extraordinarily gentle and strong, and was the kind of grandfather every child deserves. I miss him every day.This was taken when my kids and I left their father in California and moved to Wisconsin. If this picture doesn’t melt your heart, then you have no heart. Bah. When we had Boppa’s funeral, I cried and cried when the Navy people played Taps and folded his flag. I was in the Navy, too, and that made Boppa incredibly proud of me. This morning I emailed this picture to the attorney who is handling the wrongful death suit. Anyway. We love you, Boppa. We miss you terribly and we think about you every day.

And now, happier things because I’m going to make myself cry.

I finished my first pair of Fuzzy Feet, as designed by the delightful Theresa! These were fun, and one of the best things is that the myriad mistakes I made were magically felted away! Sure, they’re not even remotely the same shape, but JungleJim loves them, and that’s all I need!

I’m also knitting a pair of these for my mother for X-Mas, red and purple so they’re all red hat lady-ish.

Here they are, before and after.

And here we are!





Attention Prize Winners! and Titles

5 09 2006

MJM Knitting
Theresa
Penny Karma
Bezzie
Karen
Soapy
and Batty!

Please either PM your address to me on knitty or email it to mypipola at yahoo (dot) com. I shall mail your Ultra Mega Book Title Guessing Game Prize!

And no, those weren’t Harlequin Romance novels, you silly Soapy!

Ok. Here they are:
Haroun and the Sea of Stories, by Salman Rushdie (and this is a GORGEOUS story for kids)
I Thought my Father Was God, a collection by NPR
The Bourne Ultimatum, by the guy who wrote it
Let’s see, there are some Shakespeare analysis books, some Spanish poetry, a book on Buddhism and on the next shelf-

King Lear, Penguin Edition
Homer’s The Iliad
Great Expectations
Heart of Darkness
Tess of the D’Urbervilles
Atlas Shrugged
Vanity Fair
The Chocolate War
Beyond the Chocolate War (and if you ever watch the movie version of The Chocolate War after reading the books, you’ll agree, I’m sure, that the movie has a MUCH better ending, which nullifies Beyond the Chocolate War. I like Robert Cromier, though.)
Middlemarch
Girl in Hyacinth Blue
The Historian (this I found to be incredibly dry, but the historical context was very engaging)
Players, another Shakespeare analysis
Zen Meditations on Motherhood
Lord of the Flies, which is the singularly most depressing book EVER written, it truly is.
Micro Robert French dictionary
Two US History texts
The Golden Compass
The Subtle Knife
The Amber Spyglass, all three the His Dark Materials Trilogy. Very interesting stuff. Some parts made me cry.
The Rhetoric and Poetics of Aristotle (and I LOVE LOVE LOVE this stuff, I really do. And I love the prof I had for this class, good ol’ what’s-his-name)
And the Susan Cooper The Dark is Rising series, which I highly recommend for not-yet teen readers.

Next!

French in Review
Cassell’s Spanish/English Dictionary
Complete Works of Shakespeare, which was printed in the 1850s and bears the inscription “To Anna, From Harry” (this was a Christmas gift I received from a man who dumped me the day after Thanksgiving. He loves me. Too bad, Gay Kelley! Too bad!)
Another Spanish/English Dictionary
The Cider House Rules (and it’s interesting to note that nearly every one of John Irving’s books contains incest, a dead mother, adoption, and some sort of bodily mutilation. Maybe interesting is the wrong word.)
The Professor and the Madman, which is a very fascinating story of how the OED came to be.
The Lion in Winter
The Bacchae of Euripides
Some meditation book by some swami, and her autographed picture is inside. No idea where I got this.
The DaVinci Code (and did you know that I won one of Google’s prizes when this movie first came out? I did.)
The Prodigal Summer (and THIS book made me cry, a real boo hoo cry)
Naked (honestly, everyone should read David Sedaris)
Small Gods
The Pilot’s Wife
Saving Fish From Drowning
Darwin’s The Origin of Species
Assassination Vacation (much better than The Partly Cloudy Patriot)
Lamb, the Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal (and even though I knew how this story would end, it still made me cry)
Fun With the Family: Arizona Road Trips
Backroads- Arizona Highways magazine book

These aren’t all of my books. Some are scattered around my house, some are buried under knitting, some are on other shelves and I didn’t feel like squinting or getting up again.

Why all the French and Spanish dictionaries? I used to be a linguist and lived in Spain.
Why so many English Lit-looking books? I was an English major and kept the texts. I finished my BA in ’04, and will start my Master’s program in January, hope hope. And so much Shakespeare because one can truly never have enough Shakespeare. I brought tears to my professor’s eyes with my Romeo and Juliet paper. Why all the Buddhist stuff? I don’t know.

Anyway, thank you to the players! Prizes will be mailed this weekend. Hooray!