Sushi, Jason Bateman, and Crickets

11 08 2006

This evening after visiting my grandmother, LoverMan and I headed over to Socttsdale for some sushi dinner. Oh delicious. The trouble is Scottsdale. Arizona is still pretty much a pioneer state, and Scottsdale is where the money is. It’s absurd, really, becuase there’s no difference between me sweating to death in my $20 Gap t-shirt and some rich twit sweating to death in her $400 some other place’s t-shirt. We’re all sweating to death. Ok, no one is sweating to death, we ALL live in air conditioning. My point is that we were out a cool sushi bar and some asshat next to me was barking “Amigo! Where is my roll? It took ten minutes to get my beer and I have to wait half an hour for my roll? This is ridiculous!” There are so many things wrong with what he said and how he said it. I wanted to poke him in the eye with my chopstick, which, by the way, I had an extremely difficult time holding.
Next: Jason Bateman. I love Jason Bateman. I think it’s interesting to note that the men I love all have J names. Jim, my one true love for real. Jason Bateman, from Arrested Development which was the BEST show ever besides Twin Peaks. StingRay Jim, who to this day I love and want nothing but happiness and well-being for. Geezer John. I didn’t love him, but J. Gay Kelley. That wasn’t so much love as it was dirty lovin’. (Which, naturally, makes the Gay part of Gay Kelley nothin’ but sass.) No J there but I can’t help but mention him. Where was I? Oh yeah. Joaquin Phoenix.
Jason Bateman is filming a movie here in Phoenix. Who wants to film a movie in Phoenix? It’s called The Kingdom, check out for absolutely no help whatsoever. Jennifer Garner is in it, too. Fancy!
And finally, this: for some reason I am plagued by crickets. They crawl in through the drain in my kids’ bathtub. They are all over and I hate them with a burning passion. Raid Natural SomethingorOther Deadly Spray has become our air freshener of choice. You know how every home has its own scent? And later on in life you’ll have a smell memory? In years to come I’ll smell Raid and remember this place. Crickets, stay away. Death awaits you here.
Ah, I forgot perhaps the BEST J name- William Shatner. James T. Kirk.
Good night, dollies.
And Ed, I formally DARE you to learn how to knit. If you post proof of your acceptance of this challange AND your attempts, I shall arrange a prize. It shall be grand. Game on?

PK, if I died, here’s what my cremation memorial plaque would read:

‘What will your obituary say?’ at

I WILL be terribly missed at the Legion. The French Foreign Legion, that is! Ooh la la, les histoires ils peuvent racont! Or something.

And this has been edited, because I type too qiuckly and pay too little attention.




8 responses

12 08 2006
Penny Karma

There is very little I wouldn’t do for Jason Bateman.

12 08 2006

There is very little I wouldn’t do TO Jason Bateman. Except I think he might be married and that’s just Thumbtack in the Bottom of My Foot Karma.

12 08 2006
Penny Karma

By FOR Jason, I mean I’d dress up in a leather dominatrix outfit and perform a pole dance to Fiona Apple’s classic Criminal. That’s what immediately comes to mind.

And I’d probably hide criminal evidence for him if he asked me to, but only if he promised to make out with me for a full ten hours.

And I’d probably do a buncha stuff TO him, to. Good point.

12 08 2006

Your request wasn’t ignored just posted on my blog under your comment, any way here goes…

BAZZIE= A major bee in your bonnet

GIT= n Brit. informal. “an unpleasant or contemptible person”-origin 1940’s:var. of the noun GET.

Can’t remember what the other one was, will go look, excuse me a mo.

12 08 2006

MICKEY=n (in phr. TAKE THE MICKEY) Brit. informal, “tease or ridicule someone.
-orogin 1950’s: of unknown origin.

12 08 2006

Oh and penny karma both scares and intrigues me

13 08 2006
Penny Karma

Dang, if I had a nickel for every time I heard that…

13 08 2006

i am but a moth to her flame.

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