I Watch Trash TV So You Don’t Have To

31 08 2007

Last year I wondered if Flavor of Love was serious or not, whether those girls really meant to be so ill-mannered and churlish.  (See that?  See how I roll?  Yes, I may have WATCHED Flavor of Love, religiously, but you see how I set myself apart by using words such as ill-mannered and churlish?)  I cackled when Flav said “Don’t me mad at me, New York, I’m’a roll with Deelishiss.”  Anyway, this time I’m saving your gray matter form the horror and delight that is VH1’s The Pickup Artist.  Perhaps you’ve seen the commercials- a tall, skinny doofus in a fluttery black giganto rave top hat and more makeup than I’ve ever worn is giving dating advice to severely shy, and, in probably more than one case, gay, young men.  It’s too much to explain all at once, but for about $5K you can enroll in his seminar and learn the rules yourself!  Oh, in addition to his Nars addiction and questionable choice of head decorations, his name is Mystery.  Yes.  And yes, he means it.


It’s an elimination game show, of course, and these poor young (and some gay!) lads are trying to make the most of their time under Mystery’s tutelage (that’s another word you never heard on Flavor of Love).  The winner of the kissing game (no, they weren’t kissing each other, they were kissing a blind-folded blonde chick who I hope to GOD had her rabies vaccination updated [wait a sec, those boys haven’t been kissing anyone, that’s why they’re on this show!  See?  She’s safe!]) was awarded the much-coveted prize of the Ear Bud, though which Mystery would feed him instructions during the next Real Live Encounters with Real Live Not Blind-Folded Chicks.  The winner chirped in delight “I get to have Mystery in my brain when I’m talking to a girl!”  Um, sweet pea, isn’t that why you’re on this show?  Not knowing how to talk to girls?  So I must ask, how has this helped?  Also, is there a container of Clorox Disinfecting Wipes on set?  Because if that’s a community Ear Bud, there’s no telling what ear cooties are on that thing.


One more thing, and then I’ll move on.  Would you take dating advice from a single man?  A single man in make-up and a fluttery hat?  A man whose friends are named Jay-Dog and Matador?  Yes, dear friend, just like Flavor Flav, he means it. 


Ok, next!  This weekend I will be knitting something fabulous and fun for my favorite drag queen.  She’s just lovely, and her smart-assedness is something I admire.  I’m not sure if the web address is “it ain’t William” or “I taint William.”  Either way, I will be knitting something for Willam and I hope she thinks of me fondly whenever she wears it.  Ok, what should I knit?  And the idea of a tucking belt has already been put to rest, thank GOD.  I think Lynnea and I now have our careers as female impersonator impersonators all planned out, we learned so much the other day.  I know things that just never occurred to me before!  In any case, Willam is sure to be the prettiest fake-baked Sherpa on her block!  Oh, she already is.  Nothing I knit can hold a candle to her!  (Because, like New York’s weave, her hair might be synthetic and that’s just danger, yo.)


So You can Shoot Me, or You Can Throw Me Off a Train

15 08 2007

No you can’t. But that’s the snippet from “Life is a Pigsty” by Morrissey that’s been stuck in my head since leaving for the kids’ school to pick them up this afternoon. It’s hard not to sing it out loud around them, I sing all the time. “So you can shoot me and you can throw me off a train, but I still maintain, I still main-tay-ee-ay-ee-ayn that life, life is a pigsty!” It’s true. I think Morrissey has lived many lives, given his songs for all occasions, and I submit that this is his favorite one so far considering the many songs he sings about life. Life is a pigsty. I don’t think he’s complaining or bemoaning this fact. I think he’s telling us to lighten up.

By the way, this was an absolutely amazing live performance. I was absolutely captivated during this song. And not only because I thought for a wild and frightened moment that Morrissey was going to start masturbating on stage a la Madonna, lying down on the stage with his feet propped up on the drum platform.

I have nothing knitting-related to tell you. Between knitty and Ravelry I’m burnt out on knitting for a little while. Even with all that lovely yarn and those wonderful needles, I just need a break. And it’s not like I’ve been churning out the hits, either, I think I’ve just eaten too much knitting content.

I just read Blackwood Farm by Anne Rice. I tried to get Lynnea to participate in Talk Like an Anne Rice Character Day with me, but we were both too busy. That got me to thinking about generations and characters and knitting. You know how the really old vampires don’t like the new ones? Before I go any further, I’m going to say right here and now that I am not, in any way, comparing knitters to vampires and if you draw this conclusion you are patently insane and please go away. Right, so old vampires don’t like new vampires. I’m a very new knitter. I’ve never laid eyes on anything Elizabeth Zimmerman or Barbara Walker wrote or knit. I am so afraid to knit anything that requires any sort of real gauge because that involves math and careful application of knitting skills. SCARY. This knitting blog of mine really is a bunch of crap, honestly. So I wonder what the Old School knitters and knit bloggers think of the explosion of new knitters and new knit bloggers over the past few years, and that leads me to wonder what the world at large thinks of itself and the things we all publish all willy nilly on our blogs or in online forums or anything, really. I’d be more coherent, but life, life is a pigsty.

There Was a FISH in the PERCOLATOR!*

7 08 2007

So if you’re like me, you adore yarn.  Yarn is one of my favorite things.  Ooh, and knitting needles.  I love knitting needles oh so much.  Knitting books, magazines, all the trappings of the knitting universe.  Stitch markers, needle cases, a ball winder, knitting project bag, big giganto bags to carry WIPs, notions, magazines, patterns, a laptop, cell phone, pens, and perhaps a third grader or two.  I love all these things, and I have several of each. 

I think I’ve only finished two things this year, and that may be an exaggeration.  I can’t even remember what they were.  But that doesn’t stop me, oh no, that doesn’t stop me.  I had so many WIPs, it was shameful.  Things I’d forgotten about, things I remembered but pretended to forget about, things I just didn’t care to work on ever again.  All of these WIPs (except for the Clementine Shawlette, Icarus, and my two potential wedding stoles) had a trip through the ball winder and are now properly caked.  I’d like to be properly caked, and you can bet I’m going to write the happiest post ever when Jim and I do our wedding cake test drives.  Right. So WIPs are now caked.


Only three or so of those cakes were WIPs.  The rest of it, well, I just felt like making yarn cakes.

I mentioned in the comments to my last post that today I’d whip up a comparison of Tilli Tomas’s Voile de la Mer and Handmaiden’s Sea Silk.  Here they are side by side.  That’s a 50g skein of Voile de la Mer and a 100 skein of Sea Silk.


The Voile de la Mer is 60% silk and 40% sea cell.  It does not like to be touched.  For a knitter like me, that poses something of a problem because I frequently have to go back and fix errors.  This sometimes required the undoing of several rows.  No, I didn’t knit up a swatch and wash it, I don’t really know how to wash silk (yet) and I didn’t want to use any of this yarn on a swatch.  Four skeins set me back $80ish.  The sheen is very subtle, but that could be because I’ve touched it so much.  Yes, I do wash my hands before knitting with this, and it’s kept inside a plastic bag inside a project bag.  And I never put on lotion when I’m about to knit.  It’s also full of silk slubs.  I’m forever picking them out, and I worry that at some point, if I ever do finish this Icarus, it will fall apart because I de-slubbed so much.  That’s a slight exaggeration.  It is beautiful, though, it does have a lovely, subtle sheen.  I am very pleased that I chose this yarn for my Icarus.  I’ll be happy when it’s done!


The Sea Silk is as lovely as everyone has said.  It’s 70% silk and 30% sea cell.  There was a very interesting discussion I read somewhere about what exactly sea cell is.  I know it involved sea weed.  This yarn is absolutely lovely.  It’s very soft, very smooth, and despite its higher silk content is nowhere near as slubby as the Tilli Tomas. I can’t really comment on its drape, though, because I’m not that far into either project I’m knitting with it.  One is a Sea and Shells Stole, the other is a Japanese Feather Stole.  One of them will be my wedding wrap.  I just need to get farther into them both before I decide which one I’ll complete.  When I wound the Sea Silk into a cake the first foot or so threatened to come unspun.  This was a section that I’d cast on with, so that might have something to do with it.  Take this all with a grain of salt, I never claim to know what I’m doing.  It does take frogging very well, and doesn’t mind being handled.  Even the paler color handles better than the darker Voile de la Mer.  So far the Sea Silk has lost none of its sheen, and is as soft as the day I tore it loose from the package in which it arrived. 


There we are then!  I’m pleased to move on to happier topics, and who doesn’t love talking about yarn?  I should probably go knit now, huh?


*one billion million dollars to whoever can tell me where I got that.

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4 08 2007

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