Celebrities use tools, too!

30 08 2006

“I am Celine Dion, and I love my DeWalt Circular Saw. I will make DPNs out of this tree with my DeWalt Circular Saw.”

“I am Joaquin Phoenix, and I can crochet
anything with my StealthSheath Ice Pick
brand ice pick.”

I am OldLadyPenPal. I keep my chewing gum in my tool drawer. And my stamps.
I’ll mail you some gum.


Here’s my knitting tool kit so far. There are some gorgeous Dani (Tesoro) hand-made stitch markers in there, my KP Options set, a crochet hook, some cable needles, and the regular knitting stuffs. Can you make out any book titles? **EDIT! And whoever can spy/make out the most book titles shall win a PRIZE! Yes! A PRIZE!





Coffee vs. Tea

29 08 2006

I love coffee. I am forever trying to create a reasonable impersonation of what I used to enjoy in Rota, a delicious concoction called cafe con leche. Cafe au lait, had I lived in France. Coffee with milk in any language, but no one makes coffee like the Spaniards. Turkish coffee, customarily enjoyed at Yussef’s Middle Eastern Grocery and Restaurant has its merits, but I stand by my coffee Pledge of Loyalty: No one makes coffee like the Spaniards. Today my coffee must be made strong, with a few splashes of Coffeemate Hazelnut creamer. This morning there was only a splash and a half. A lesser woman would declare her day ruined.
I rummaged through my cabinets for something, ANYthing caffeine-related. There was some tea, and I spied with my little eye my Tea For Moods. Perfect! I grabbed the box and it proudly proclaimed to not have any caffeine. What kind of crap is that??? Tea for BAD moods, meaning it will cause one! So instead I grabbed the Yerba Mate.
Now. Did you know that traditionally Yerba Mate tea is drunk with the leaves still in the drinking vessel? Yes. And now there are special straws made to facilitate this, with little screens on the end so as to sift out the leaves. I don’t know, my sister told me this, but it may have been a sly reference to smoking some other sort of leaf, so don’t take my word for it. Heavens.

Coffee is for waking up, becoming human. Coffee is the start of a new day and the preparation for said day. Coffee is an introduction, a sit down and gather yourself. Coffee is to enjoy, whether it be alone, with a friend, or in a shop full of strangers all trying not to giggle at the open mic guy rambling about his kite (bongo bongo) stuck in a (bongo) tree(bongobongobongobongo). Coffee MEANS it, sincerely and brazenly. Coffee waits for you. Coffee reminds you every time of why you love it so.

Tea is a last minute stand-in. Tea is a trial. Tea is a lazy dare. Tea is picked last for the team. Tea is a poseur. Tea is an empty commitment. Tea is a disappointed crush. Tea is the sound of wind through closed windows. Tea is the superfluous cheerleader beside the pyramid. And Boba Tea is a choking hazard.





Feets! and thank you, Favorite Color Swap Pal!

27 08 2006

Hooray for blogstalking!

Here are my feet, just up and resting.

And now in the partial fuzzy foot I’ve been working on for JungleJim.


Here are my son’s feet, and there are a few things I’d like to point out about this picture.
His right foot is covered in a blob of freckles. It’s not dirt, and he’s forever being told to wash it before he gets in the pool, etc. Next, I’d like to draw your attention (as if it’s not there already!) the the sheet upon which he’s sitting. Those are the sweetest, 70s-era sheets still in rotation. My grandmother, The Geege, gave them to me in her Great Purge when she moved to Scottsdale last year from Indianapolis. Was I grateful? Well. I took them out of the box in anticipation of a quick trip to the Goodwill drop-off when Nolan spotted them. “Mama! I LOVE those sheets!” Has he not watched enough Queer Eye with me? Pfft. Ooh, here are my feet in their Emmy Award Red Carpet Shoes. If you want to see the rest of the outfit, it migh tbe posted later on PennyKarma‘s blog. I can’t make any promises. I may have crossed a line.

Also, I’ve been lazy/embarrassed by my laziness. My Favorite Colors Swap pal, Elspeth, sent me a really fun package! Check out these goodies!

Not pictured (because we ate them) are a few Ghiardelli chocolates with caramel, a lovely little bag of salted roasted almonds, a chocolate and peanut butter candy bar, and a box of super yummy cookie sticks from the Asian market! YUM! Yeah, my kids and I were in the car and ate the above-mentioned treats before we could take a picture.
Also not pictured is a very pretty little green box with some stitch markers! I think, though I may be wrong, that Elspeth made them. And they’re not pictured because I’ve killed the camera battery and took that picture without the box. I stink. They will undoubtedly show up in a WIP sometime soon!
I LOVE the lip balm, and how funny is a bar of soap called ‘naive’? The yarn is a spring-y concoction that will make an excellent hat for my sister, and since Chlo adopted the sunglasses, she thouhg it only appropriate to knit a sunglasses case WITH the sunglasses. Yes. As in, she’s using the arms of the glasses as knitting needles. Crazy kid! But it works. She rules!
Thanks again, Elspeth!





If I needed a bank robber costume….

25 08 2006


… this would be part of it.

I’m knitting Fuzzy Feet, first for LoverMan JungleJim and then for Mother Mayhem (this would be a cool blog name for someone who sews, but I’m actually talking about my own mother). I was struck by how much my pitiful attempts resembled a bank robber ski mask. I could not resist.





I would like to understand…

23 08 2006

Last week I put up something rather unkind about my mother and her scrapbooks. Fearing the wrath of all that is good on the universe, I deleted it. It was, after all, rather mean and I’m not. Obviously I am, which is why I wrote it. But anyway. The Geege is sprung loose from the hospital, Pop is being taken care of for the next two weeks by his sons and their wives, and my mother STILL won’t come down to help The Geege because “I would be doing for her things that she should be doing for herself.” That does it. What kind of heartless CRAP is that??? The Geege is 78 years old, for God’s sake! She has diabetic neuropathy in her legs and lives in a fair amount of pain. Pop has Alzheimer’s and tries The Geege’s last nerve which has been frayed something fierce by life in general. AAAAAaaaaaaaaaacccchhhhhhhhhhhhhh. My mother does not work. She sits around and makes scrapbooks and “spends [my] father’s money on therapy.” That’s it, Mother, you officially REALLY SUCK.
Now. In order to salvage any sort of decency I may have, I’ll share this picture. This was taken when we went to my (now ex-) husband’s ex-girlfriend’s wedding to her wife. I love that sentence. Anyway, they’re San Francisco web millionaires and their wedding was amazing. They gave this picture to us in a black and silver frame as a thank you for coming to their ceremony. To this day I love those women.

It’s an old picture. That scrumptious baby is the sewing boy you see a few posts down.





This actually removes pennies from the karma bank…

21 08 2006


This is for our dear Penny Karma.

This is for everyone.





Nous avons passees des vacances en Mexico

21 08 2006

I’m not sure about that verb tense up there, but what I’m trying to say is that we had a vacation in Mexico. I don’t know if one weekend counts as real live vacation, but it was so great, and so relaxing, that it sure felt like one.

We stayed at a lovely beach-front condo in lovely Puerto Penasco, Mexico, in the lovely Sea of Cortez. Immediately after checking in we headed to the bar where I downed my first ever shot of Just Only Tequila, a Patron something or other. I had an immediate flashback to the night I met StingRay Jim in San Angelo, TX at The Maxx 2000, when he gave me that shot of some horrid concoction called Windex and I tried so very hard not to throw up on my and his shoes. I didn’t, and StingRay Jim and I had a blissful love affair that continues to this day. No it doesn’t, but I still care about him and hope he’s ok. Anyway, shot of tequila. Few beers. First time ever drunk in public with Jungle Jim, but seeing as how “public” consists of each other, the barmaid, and two other hotel guests, who gives a fig.

Saturday morning we went strolling on the beach where I picked up many shells for my minions. JJ and I kept telling each other how great the beach was, and how much the kids would LOVE it, how we wished they were there but needed a grown-up vacation blah blah blah. He loves my children, but more on that later. After we had some breakfast we rented a jet ski. There was momentary strife about having one Jet Ski for three hours, two for one hour, one for two hours, blah blah blah, which ended in us having one for one hour. That’s fine; I’d never been on a jet ski in my life. Now, JJ is a pretty relaxed, sedate kind of guy. He never gets riled up about anything, except beach umbrellas, but that too will come later, so I figured we were going to have a nice, mostly calm little Jet Ski ride. Oh heavens no. That boy turned into a wild man the likes of which I’ve secretly pined for lo these many months. I was laughing wildly the whole time, as he whipped us around tight curves and splashed us through the wake left by other boats. The only thing I wanted was to NOT end up in the ocean. Please. We just watched Shark Week in its entirety. Well, naturally there was one turn he took too quickly and I went flying off the Jet Ski. As I burbled to the surface in a near panic, JJ raced back around. I don’t know what scared me most, being in the water with what I figured to be a baskillion sharks nearby, or being chopped up in the rotor of the Jet Ski engine. Jet skis don’t have rotors, I know this, but I was stunned and had lungs full of ocean water. If the sharks and rotor didn’t kill me, surely the gross ocean water would. So JJ zoomed back around in a near panic because I was screaming “Come and get me! Please get me out of here as quickly as possible!” He feared I was going to unleash The Wrath of Kath on him and demand to be taken back to the hotel and back home immediately. That was as foolish a fear as mine of sharks. We laughed and laughed after I was safely back on. So 15 minutes later he’s hot-shottin’ it again and this time dumps us BOTH into the water and tips the Jet Ski. Nice! I have bruises on my legs and one riiiiiiiiiiiiiight in the crack of my ass. And I’m all barnacle-scraped, too, but it was SO much fun. We flipped the thing right side-up and tried to head back but oh no, we’d run out of gas. Uh-huh. We got a tow back in, nothing exciting there.
Ok, I just realized how long and boring this is getting.

Later on we went out for dinner at a great place. As we sat there sipping drinks, eating chips and salsa, I said to JJ “Oh! You got a little sun!” to which he replied “Yes, and his name is Nolan!” Aw! To clarify, Nolan is my son, JJ is their unofficial future step dad, so my heart melted and I got teary-eyed. I love that man. Ok, the rest of the weekend was a blast. I bought a bag, it might be a fake but I’ll never tell since I don’t want to go to jail for bringing counterfeit goods back to the US. JJ bought cigars which might be Cuban but I’ll never tell since I don’t want him to go to jail for smuggling Cuban cigars into the US. And hey, since that purse is most likely a fake, (I know it is, I just don’t want to come right out and admit it) there’s nothing saying the cigars aren’t either. For all we know they were made of seaweed that washed up on shore.
And now, *sigh*, we are home again, but are already planning our second trip. This time we’ll take the minions.