Let Nothing Ye Dismay

27 11 2007

I figured that the South Beach Diet with which I am currently torturing my fat ass would leave me hungry. I figured I might be a bit snappy with friends and loved ones and everyone else on the planet. What I did not figure is that it would make me completely brain dead. I have had a very hard time waking up these past few mornings, and I’ve always been a morning person so this was quite a disappointment. I’ve never stumbled around my kitchen bleary-eyed before, so this day has already been full of new experiences. Coffee, of course, which I love and will gleefully admit has me addicted, so I wandered over to the pot, rinsed it out, filled it with water, poured the water into the reservoir, put the pot down, placed a filter in the basked, and scooped eleven scoops of coffee into the filter. Close the basket, flip the switch, wait for coffee. Listen to the pretty sounds of what in a few minutes I will realize is a coffee waterfall, a coffee fall, if you will, roaring from my countertop onto my floor. Right, because when I put the coffee pot in the counter, I should have put it on the warmer plate under the basket in the coffee maker itself. But alas, I did not.

Not soon after my precious daughter (who, by the way, loved having me volunteer as a lunch lady, go figure!) had a serious flip-out over clothes that no longer fit her but she still insisted on wearing. I cannot allow my children to start the school day al upset and in tears, so while I wanted to throttle the bad attitude right out of her nearly-pubertyish self, I did not. I took so many deep breaths that I became light-headed. But again, that could be South Beach Diet. During the drive to school we spied with our little eyes an elderly couple on a morning stroll through the neighborhood. To cheer my delightful daughter and ensure a joyful start to her school day, I told her that the old folks were casing the neighborhood looking for houses to rob. We howled with laughter making up stories about The Cult of Elderly Thieves, and how the members sell their goods on eBay to raise funds for their new sports stadium.

And that is how I’ve spent my morning.

Oh, and PS: Here is a picture of the baked brie in a pastry puff shell that I made on Thanksgiving. Proof that I am not always a disaster in the kitchen. I also won the gravy cook-off, thanks.




9 responses

27 11 2007
Tsock Tsarina

Oh dear, that’s even more painful than my last Stupid Coffee Trick – the one in which I poured the water into Reservoir #1 of a two-pot system, then carefully placed my pot with its freshly-ground beans under the spout of Reservoir #2, flipped Switch #2, and waited a lo-o-o-o-o-ong time for nothing to happen. Not the lovely trickling sound, not the inspiriting aroma, nothing.

And I don’t even diet.

But at least now I’ll be on my guard against the Senior Thief brigade! (Shades of Monty Python’s old lady gangs… Hell’s Grannies?)

27 11 2007

The coffee all over the kitchen counter is very close to how I start my morning at least once a week. Except I don’t really have an excuse. And your counter is a lot prettier than mine, even when you include the mess.

I am already worried about random stalkers and other frightful yet totally implausible individuals when I leave for work in the dark each morning. And now I have old German couples out for early strolls to add to the list of Things To Regard With Serious Concern When Glancing Over One’s Shoulder.

And, I hope I will be as good and patient a mother as you are if I ever have a child.

27 11 2007

I have on occasion produced a delightfully full carafe of hot water. Mmmm.

Brie. Pastry shell. Yum!

27 11 2007

They’re supposed to have little latches that prevent that from happening. So, you need to register for a fancy schmancy new coffeemaker for the wedding.

I cannot tell of the many household accidents from which I have nearly escaped death due to self inflicted impairment. Do not operate heavy machinery or knives, do not fold spindle or mutilate. Coffee is HOT! Do not talk and chew gun at the same time.

Doesn’t South Beach forbid coffee? Or is that some other diet, like that Oprah diet guy? South Beach forbids alcohol right? For the first weeks or something.

28 11 2007

I don’t drink coffee, but I’ve been known to do the same thing making Dr. MS’s coffee. Sometimes I wonder if he’d even notice if I just wiped it up and wrung the coffee cloth into his mug.

29 11 2007

Poor thing. You should get a french press, that only has one moving part, even I can use it.
Or just use instant, like most of us plebs.

1 12 2007

Oh no! I don’t really drink coffee (except those sugar-laden, powdered things the husband calls chick coffee), but if I did, that’s what would happen to me.

Your pastry shell covered brie looks divine. I’m drooling now.

1 12 2007

Oh dear. That’s something I would have done with the coffee pot. Of course, then I’d be on my knees slurping the coffee up off the counter because I am that insane in the morning LOL


xo roxy

6 12 2007
Penny Karma

That brie looks really good! Is it easy enough for me to do it?

Oh, and P.S., Beebie is in FULL ON ATTITUDE mode right now.

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