Lady’s Mate Tool Kit*

22 05 2007

I haven’t knit anything in days.  DAYS, people.  All this packing up to move stuff has eaten up all of my time, time that would otherwise have been devoted to knitting and generally sitting on my ass.

However!  Packing up has allowed me to catch up on al of my junk TV, namely Celebrity Fit Club.  I know you know how I feel about Ross the Intern.  I want to be his best friend.  I want to call him when I’m blue, I want to call him when I’ve made waffles, I want him to come over and be stunned by my precocious children and some of the whacked-out things they say that crack me up.  But alas.  And Maureen McCormick!  Marcia Brady, you know.  She seems like she’d be so sweet.  I’d teach her to knit.  I’ve even developed a soft spot in my heart for Kletus, I’d totally have him over for barbecue.  Harvey would inspire me to cheat on my husband, and I don’t even officially have one yet.

Screech, on the other hand, is SUCH a mess.  I detest him.  I seriously do and here’s my theory on Dustin Diamond. 

Remember his character on Saved by the Bell?  He was the loveable nerd that everyone tolerated.  Not liked, not sought out for his good company, but tolerated.  Tolerance is one of those words about which I feel conflicted.  It’s appropriate in the context of Screech, or pain, or construction noise.  Those things are tolerable.  But it’s not appropriate in the context of race, sexual preference, religious persuasions, or anything else that distinguishes human being, chosen or otherwise.  Tolerance means you’ll put up with the unpleasant thing for a while, but that tolerance will, as some point, be worn thin.  So no, don’t teach your children tolerance, teach them that we’re all human beings.  Ok, back to the wretched Dustin Diamond, for whom my tolerance has worn quite thin.

So during his formative years, Dustin Diamond played the loveable nerd, the tolerated, painfully and embarrassingly awkward nerd, Screech.  That HAS to do something to a person’s psyche.  It simply must.  This is what I choose to believe, because I cannot fathom someone being such a horrid person for no reason other than they are simply horrid.  And he it, he truly is.  He’s just gross, physically, emotionally, in every way.

You see how desperately I want to avoid packing up Chloe’s room?  Last summer there was a SNAKE in here.  And since this is the desert, I’ve startled three cockroaches so far.  We’ve even had a few scorpions in here.  I’m so afraid to pick up piles of clothes and sheets, because god only knows what’s under there!

More later, turtledoves.  And maybe someday I’ll actually knit again.

*  No idea.  Sounds like a sex toy to me.

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11 responses

22 05 2007
22 05 2007
oldladypenpal

Silly heart! I already did mine! 🙂

22 05 2007
Ed

I think you’re right, it has to be a bedroom toy.

22 05 2007
Camille

The brown recluses and I sympathize with you in your room cleaning dilemma. I am convinced they look everywhere and it’s been the best excuse to let the housekeeping go to hell in the proverbial handbasket…

23 05 2007
Ali

Ahhh, she called me Turtledove. *blushes*

23 05 2007
Anonymous Stranger

Big smooches!

23 05 2007
P del F (Fireball)

I heart my babbling c-lister. Heart!

Watch out for snakes!

23 05 2007
Batty

Nothing like a little junk TV. Hope everything goes well and you can knit happily soon!

24 05 2007
Linnea

I am so missing out on the junk TV. And a swimming pool. Can you please host a temporary knitting commune in your backyard?

Once I went camping in West Texas – the Monahans Sand Dunes. Because, you know, it’s a good idea to hook up a beer bong and try to sand surf. Anyway, point being, there were multiple signs up stating that we had to use the little metal grilling things for fires. NO BONFIRES. So of course we built a bonfire. And then discovered that scorpions really, really like heated sand.

24 05 2007
Curran

Ahhh!!! I love the desert, but we’ve got some scary bugs….I found a vinegaroon in my kitchen once

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whip_scorpion

just get some protective gear, bug spray, and something long and flat to smash with…you’ll be fine …but you might want to make arrangements for your stash before you attempt it…you know, just in case

25 05 2007
Lynnea

Dustin Diamond is ruining an otherwise perfectly adorable Celebrity Fit Club. I think he’s just a sociopath, and the worst part is that every time he does one of his little rants, my husband tries to rationalize it all “well, I kind of understand where he’s coming from”. I really hope Harvey will take him up on his challenge to combat.

You know who I’d most like to hang out with though is Screech’s girlfriend. I have so many questions to ask her.

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