In My Life, Oh, Why Do I Give Valuable Time?

5 04 2007

Greetings! I hope you’re all well. I have been oh so busy, but life is good!

This afternoon was the funeral I envisioned for my ex-mother-in-law last Saturday morning, a vision which flashed through my pretty little head a full THIRTEEN HOURS before she unexpectedly collapsed and DIED while watching her son (my ex-husband) play a rugby match. In other words, for no reason in particular I thought about her funeral. Several hours later she was dead. Slowly, now, let that sink in.

Yes. Like He-Man used to bellow, I have the POWER!

I’d like now to turn our attention to some (rhymes with wahoo) nalbinding group members who are in a bit of a tizzy about my Fong pattern. I’ve come up with a visual aid to help you get out of the tizzy and onto more important things. Such as the fact that many people think nalbinding involves the swift and forceful insertion of rusty nails under the toenails of unsuspecting victims. Where were we? Ah yes, the visual aid. Thank you, Bezzie, for the inspiration! (SEE? I always mention my source of inspiration, unless there isn’t a source because then I’d just be talking to myself and seriously, people, I’m not the crazy one around here.)

Ready, all you agitated (rhymes with wahoo) nalbinders?

Regia’s Footsies pattern is to a Panty Girdle as OLPP’s Fong pattern is to a sexy, sassy thong.


Panty girdle:


Sexy, sassy thong:

See? I hope this has cleared things up for you. Several days ago I noticed quite a few hits on my blog stats from this (rhymes with wahoo) nalbinding group. So I checked them out to read what they were saying. Sure enough, those goofy nalbinders were all a-twitter about the strange resemblance between my Fong and Regia’s Footsies pattern. (This pattern, by the way, was written in German, a language I neither speak, nor read, nor write.) I didn’t care enough to join the group and alert them to their foolishness and really, I was happy to let it go at that. But then one of the group members sent me this little note: “If you join the Nalbinding (OLPP’s edit: rhymes with wahoo) group and go to message 1932, you’ll see a different version of the fong (they call it a “footsie”) that you might want to check out.”

No, Susan P, that’s not a different version of my Fong. That’s like saying a shrug is a different version of a sweater vest. But my Fong is not a different version of Footsies, either. That would mean that I took inspiration from that pattern, and since I neither speak German nor belong to your (rhymes with wahoo) nalbinding group, the chances of my having seen, read, and ripped off the pattern are extraordinarily slim. Infinitesimally so. (That means I hadn’t seen it before, so, all you haters, I couldn’t have plagiarized.)

I wonder if these (rhymes with wahoo) nalbinder group members are similarly incensed every time a new sweater or sock pattern is published. After all, once upon a time the very first ever sweater was knitted. And socks, too, socks are old. Scarves as well! Do you all strike up a slightly snippy conversation every time someone puts up a new, FREE, scarf pattern? Come on. Lighten up already. It’s not like I said “I’ve created a device which will allow you suck up liquid beverages out of a glass without picking up the glass it’s in, and I call it a STRAW! Buy yours here!!”

I’m glad I was able to clear this up for you. Remember: Regia’s Footsies = Panty Girdle, and OLPP’s Fong = sexy, sassy thong. By they way- that thong you see up there is available for purchase at Bobo’s House of Chicken Porn. Now serving Hush, puppies!

Now I bid you good day. Oh, and I keep forgetting- this weekend I’ll post the BIG ANNOUNCEMENT for my 100th post contest! And this one is going to be GOOD, so stay tuned! (Ah, a hint already!)







14 responses

5 04 2007

Is there EVER a situation for which Smiths/Morrisey lyrics are NOT appropriate?

5 04 2007

I’m thinking no.

(What IS it with people?)

5 04 2007

Hi girl,

I’m back,

for good it would seem.

Your knitting jargon lost me, sorry. But will read all to follow, with relish.

5 04 2007

Is that your shiny tookah? I knew I loved you for a good reason, OLPP! Hell yeah, you keep your sexy knittin thang a’shakin!


P.S. There is always room for new ideas, you keep em comin!

5 04 2007

Hahaha! To think I even thought about making the “girdle”! I gotta make your Fong’s!!

6 04 2007

Re: Bobo’s House of Chicken Porn. Somewhere in England, Yorkie hears angels singing…

You know I’m ready to troll on over to wahoo any old time and give ’em all wedgies any time you want, right? Right?

6 04 2007

Mmm…yes, your Fong is much sexier. I’m off to make my toes shine like that ass!

6 04 2007

Nice butt!

6 04 2007

I hope Bezzie posts a picture of her toes shining like that butt.

The group (the rhymes with wahoo!) should be shot. But that’s just MY opinion. Go ahead folks, flame me….I got the power of a delete comment button. 🙂

6 04 2007

Well, I don’t know about shot, but a nice dose of “lighten up already or I really will join your group and post a picture of my actual ass in a thong on your messageboard!” would do rather nicely!

6 04 2007
P del F (Fireball)

Let me seeeeeeeeee that fooooooooooooooong. La la la.

The (wahoo) nalbinders seriously need to chill. But, I learned what nalbinding was out of all this. These ones who’ve hassled you have not, however, enticed me to learn anything more about the craft. Can’t we all just get along? Gah.

I finished one fong last night at the bar, surrounded by a bunch of rugby players (mine) and idiot sorority girls (not mine). If I can get off my (not perfect and shiny) booty and get my blog up and running, then you shall have pictures of it. 🙂

9 04 2007

So I don’t have a guess for the song title contest, but wanted you to know that Ben and I had a good laugh over the bum on your blog! He giggled for about 15 minutes…

And, yay for fongs! 🙂


15 04 2007

OLPP, I bow to your powers of manifestation.

If you have a moment, could you picture for just the smallest section of time the bankruptcy of my previous employer and my bosses being hauled to jail in chains…..pretty please. with sugar on top drizzled with chocolate??

Anyway, kisses!

23 04 2007

OK, the note you posted above almost made me snort diet coke out my nose.
Some people are stupid. You, however, rock my socks… er…. fongs. 😉

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