We’re Not Scare-Mongering, This is Really Happening!

29 03 2007

People have been searching blogs for some weird-ass stuff lately, and when I say weird-ass, yes, I do unfortunately mean ass.

Well, other stuff too, but ew. Ever since that unfortunate nostril pimple incident there have been many people suffering a similar plight. I’m sure you’ll all be happy to know that the hair in fact did NOT get turned around and begin growing out the top of my nose. Whatever it was went away, so no, I don’t have nose cancer, nose herpes, ingrown nose hairs, or any other sort of nose unpleasantness. Except for super gunky nostrils when I wake up. But really, you’re not here for that.

My son wears nightgowns.” Someone was searching for that and landed on my humble blog. Really, though, what could be the question here? I prefer to believe that this was a parent seeking stories of how other parents behaved when they encountered something similar, and not some gross internet perv who likes at look at children in their sleepwear.

Ok. I’ll now tell you what to do. Here it is, everyone. If your son wears nightgowns, make sure they’re the flame-retardant kind. That’s the only concern you need to have. And now I’ve walked you through it! Ain’t life grand? No need to thank me. Or, ok, yes, here’s how you can thank me: knit a Fong and email me a picture of it!

I read this just a few minutes ago and it made me so sad. The way this country treats gay people is absolutely shameful. Inarguably so. People want to protect the “sanctity” of marriage and think that banning gay marriage is the way to do it? I invite those folks to take a deeeep look into my disastrous marriage to SH and tell me what was so sacramental about that steaming mess. If ANYONE should be refused the right to marry, it is SH (I was his second wife). It simply makes no sense to me. And it makes me so sad that we treat people this way.

Well. One of these days we’ll look on this the way we now look upon separate drinking fountains, and people being forced to sit in the back of the bus, separate entrances to buildings and other such ridiculous things. We’ll wonder who could possibly think this, a ban on gay marriage, was a good idea, we’ll wonder where this ridiculousness came from, and why it was allowed to go on for such a long time. I hope so.

I’m bringing myself down, and although my social conscience is in pain over this, it won’t keep me from marrying JungleJim.

Next! The Porn Squirrel is back. He’s there in the crotch of the tree (porn and crotch in the same post! Egads.) which is not his favorite haunt, believe you me. He prefers to stretch out across my patio, playing with himself while gazing longingly through the patio door at me . If I listen very carefully I can hear him chirping “Let’s Get It On” and it frightens me so.

 

In yarny porny news, here’s some fantastic sock yarn that my sweet Linnea sent to me! The label is in German, but I’ll reach back through my ancestral memory and translate. Here goes: “Unser Geheimnis is the good quality! The use is actually Farben, harmoniously combined with a million fibers to make sport, and strumpwool, programmed into rodel wool!” And then it goes into a bit about problems with green lungs in the washing machine, that this yarn is guaranteed to be fuzz free, and that it will dry overnight. I love it! I can’t wait to knit me some socks! I have Sensational Knitted Socks from my adorable and adored SP9 secret pal, and I can’t get enough of it! So Linnea, thank you. The school supplies are awesome, and the chocolate was too but you know it’s gone already.

Well, that’s it for today. Watch out for squirrels. Buy your sons and daughters flame-retardant nightgowns. Vote no on a gay marriage ban. Oh, and also vote to increase teachers’ salaries, ok?

PS: I’m quickly approaching my 100th post. I’m gearing up for a super excellent contest, so stay tuned.

 

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5 responses

30 03 2007
Linnea

So I attempted to find your blog by searching for “squirrel crotch porn” – apparently my blog-searching skills are awful, since I was unsuccessful. But what I did find… Well, I guess there’s a niche market for nut porn. Who would have thought?

That yarn appears to be levitating. Which is, of course, one of its magical German powers.

30 03 2007
Batty

People really do search for the weirdest things.

Nice Yarn!

1 04 2007
P del F (Fireball)

So… how much do you love me? 🙂

P.S. I was at this show. Wheeeeee.
P.P.S. I found this and immediately came over here to post the linkie on your blog. When I saw your blog entry title, I gasped audibly. My dog found that very amusing.

Have a fabulous week, dear one!

1 04 2007
oldladypenpal

Seriously, people, Levi Weaver covering Ideoteque.
I’ve been thinking about this song ever since my last IM conversation with my beloved P del F. You see now why she’s so beloved? You don’t, that’s ok, because this is a sliver.

2 04 2007
Penny Karma

Recent searches that have led people to my blog include:

Smoking Panty Poop, Napoleon the Farter, Phil Stacey’s Eyebrows, and
Matthew Broderick Shirtless.

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