Red, the Color of Desire; Black, the Color of Despair

21 02 2007

I don’t have the time to tell these stories. Really, I don’t. But I can’t help it.

When I was in the Navy stationed at lovely NSGA, Rota, I had the dubious pleasure of, on a number of occasions, escorting Luis. Silent S. What that means is that I had to follow Luis around while he cleaned the bathrooms. He had a routine, he did, and I shall share it with you.

Luis dipped his three-stranded mop into the toilet (!!!), which counts as cleaning the toilet, and then sloshed TOILET WATER back and forth over the floor with his three-stranded mop. A heavy dosing of military-approved air freshener and we were off! Why did I have to escort Luis? Couldn’t he have been left to slosh toilet water all by his lonesome? Nah. We worked, you see, in a secure facility which means that anyone who wasn’t cleared to be there couldn’t be there without an escort. I’m not sure if Luis cared about the classified things going on in there. Certainly he caught snippets from time to time, perhaps more than snippets. Again, I don’t know. Luis had hairs growing out of the TOP of his nose, nose hairs that got misdirected and, instead of floating languidly in his nose-breeze, wiggled madly from the top of his snout. Picture that. Take as long as you need.

I share this story because unfortunately, I had a small, icky pimple inside my nostril this morning. I was quite alarmed because a) it hurt and b) who gets pimples INSIDE their nostrils? I Googled. Wouldn’t you? I learned that sometimes nosehairs can become ingrown and actually get SO turned around that they grow out of the top of your nose. Time that should have been spent studying for my exam later this evening has been wasted now on imagining my life with misdirected nosehair. Would I pluck? How much would that hurt, because your nostrils are nothing if not rife with nerve endings and little, fragile capillaries. How long would I have to let it grow in order to establish a sufficient fingertip or tweezer grip? Would it be like when those women on Dr. 90210 are having the drains removed from their breast implants and you think it will be a quick sllllip and it’s out, but it really takes about four long seconds? This misdirected nosehair has really made an impression on me. And yes, I am completely grossed out by this, but my hope is that by sharing I can let it go.

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17 responses

21 02 2007
bezzie

Ok I’ll fess up–I’ve had inner nose pimples as well. I try to leave them alone but they hurt like all get out.

I can’t stand nose hair. Dr. Mad Scientist’s nose hair seems to be getting longer as he grows older. Ok yeah that’s more info than I needed to share, but I figured we were sharing what grossed us out right?

21 02 2007
lilknitter

OLPP, I’m diggin’ the new template. I’ve liked the three I’ve seen you use; your blog is always easy on the eyes.

I, too, have had the nose-pimple, but I’m more prone to the ear-pimple. Right up tight in the crux of my ear – owwey! And when I get lazy and shave instead of waxing under my arms, I get ingrown hairs. Youch.

Heheh, now Bez and I have grossed you out!

21 02 2007
oldladypenpal

Yes! You guys really have grossed me out! But this was indeed about gross-outs, so it’s ok. Seriously, can you imagine the intense pain of a hair that was supposed to grow outwards form your nostril instead turning back around and growing out the top of your nose?? Ack. The human body is indeed a wondrous thing.

21 02 2007
Knitting Bandit

Ouch…it makes me cringe to think og you plucking it. I can’t watch!

22 02 2007
Ed

just got back.

witch “S”

still reading from the top.

Lovely colourfull blog u have

22 02 2007
Ed

Right!

Just reached the bottom of para 3

Was said nose like ordinary peeps or like a forrest?

22 02 2007
Ed

A zit inside the nose!!!

Nothing funnier.

We have all had them and any bod who says otherwise is confused/liar

22 02 2007
Ed

I know nothing of this Dr 90210 of whom you speek, but…

Imagine the fun you could have by plucking an eleven foot hair out of your snoz.
Take the pain (killers).

Also take pics and post them, best of luck.

22 02 2007
Ed

Why/ What do you mean you can’t milk fish?
How do you think caviar is got?

22 02 2007
oldladypenpal

Seriously, Ed, no one wants pictures of my nose-pimple. And even if they did, it’s too late because it’s gone. I sneezed.

23 02 2007
Linnea

Hey, that cinnamon industrial-strength air freshener they had actually smelled pretty good. And, while they eventually brought in contractors to do some of the cleaning, most of it was left to us – bringing a whole new, humiliating meaning to the title of “Petty Officer”.

Hope your nose is feeling better. Meanwhile, I have a new fear of ingrown hairs. Thanks.

23 02 2007
Batty

If this is your first encounter with ingrown hair, you’re a lucky woman!

23 02 2007
Curran

AHHHHH!!! Reverse-growing nose hairs!?!?!?! youre making that up right?….please tell me youre making that up…

24 02 2007
Ed

What do you mean you didn’t take pics of it before it left us?!

You’re just not trying are you.

25 02 2007
Yorkie

Ah yes, the escorts. Sounds a bit risque, but the jobs are usually sooooo booorrrrinng that you find yourself thinking the pay is just not worth it.

There are always PLENTY of escort jobs here…thank goodness I’ve found a much more exciting job teaching to slack jawed and hormone riddled teenages…

Yorkie

27 02 2007
john

Yeah, the pimple in the nose thing….it’s happened to me, too.

27 02 2007
the kitchener bitch

owie!

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