So what you’re telling me is you’re fat?

17 09 2006

Now, I’ve had some mighty interesting conversations with my ex-husband over the past few months. I’ll admit with some small shame that I purposefully brought up in court, for the sole reason of causing him pain and embarrassment, that his birth mother was impregnated by her father’s brother, which by plain genetic reasoning makes him, my ex-husband, in-bred. It’s true. And he was adopted by two if the most startlingly hateful human beings ever. Case in point- when my ex-husband married his first wife he didn’t tell his parents for two whole years. Anyway. Henceforth I shall refer to the ex-husband as SH. Perhaps those are his initials, perhaps that stands for Shit Head. Perhaps both. It makes no never mind.

Recently SH and I have been in a fierce disagreement regarding the kids’ extra-curricular activities. SH thinks it’s perfectly reasonable for a 3rd and 4th grader to be up until 9:30 on a school night at karate class. I think that’s absurd, especially knowing my Little Miss Sunshine as I do. There’s a very thin line between not enough and just enough sleep with her. Approach it at your peril because little sister woman can be a beastie if she’s on the wrong side of that line. Somehow this has spiraled into a mean e-mail fight. By the way, this is why I never communicate important things in email. It can go oh so wrong. Anyway, after some nonsense of his about how I am teaching the kids to be lazy (because I don’t want them up til 9:30 on a school night) I reminded him of something a dear friend of ours once said- that SH is the fattest vegetarian on the planet. It’s true, he is. For some reason SH replied to that with “I weigh 235 pounds and my body fat percentage is 29.” He’s 5’10, by the way. I already pointed out that he’s fat; what is this surprising turn of events, this agreeing with me? (I have a big butt and I cannot lie. It’s not like I’m Nicole Kidman here. I’ll be honest.) Why is he giving me the numbers, the actual facts that validate my taunt? For this I say, readers, repent. The end is nigh.

On a totally unrelated topic, please someone explain this to me. Let’s say that a person, a person of rather grand importance if you subscribe to his religious beliefs, made a statement which included a quote of someone who, centuries before, held the same post as this subjectively important person. Let’s say that this quote said some rather unpleasant things of an entire group of people, a group of people who subscribed to an entirely different set of religious beliefs. The present day Head Honcho quoted Honcho from Centuries Long Over, and threw the offended masses (no pun intended) into an uproar of sorts. Here’s my confusion- let’s say someone said “Bubba once said ‘All people with purple hair are evil.’ ” Let’s go further and say you had purple hair. I’m sure you’d be offended. Now. To demonstrate your umbrage, would you burn down random houses of worship that had nothing to do with the hater of purple hair? Would you threaten the lives, safety, and well-being of people somewhat associated with the Quoter of Purple Hair Hatred? Or, to prove that people with purple hair were in fact NOT evil, would you instead say “Hey, jerk, that’s uncool. We’re not evil. Why, just last week we… (and then you’d go on to list the myriad beneficent and plentiful Good Deeds you and your purple-haired brethren had done).” Doesn’t that make better sense?

I’m not looking to start a debate. And as this is my own corner of the internet, I’ma gonna delete anything that might make it on here that I don’t like. I’m simply voicing my unease, my lack of understanding. All life is sacred. There is no God but God. (It sounds cooler in Arabic but I forgot how to say it.) And what is God but our interpretation of something which cannot be interpreted?

Look! Isn’s this a pretty picture? JungleJim took it during our vacation to Mexico.

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7 responses

17 09 2006
Bezzie

Whereas I don’t have purple hair and am a recovering Head Honcho sheep, my two cents is purple haireds should verbally disagree/write strong letters/peacefully protest. But then again Head Honcho should have known better that saying that would set off the purple hairs.

Can I also say that I love your delightful blogging ADD! Ex Husbands to religious debate to pretty sea pictures!

18 09 2006
turtlegirl76

I love me some purple hair, but I prefer a more autumnal hue. 😉

18 09 2006
Ceallach

There is no gad but God, and Mohammed is his prophet!

As are, Abraham, Jesus, Buddha, Siva, Krishna the Butter Thief, and everyone else on the planet or in the cosmos who so loved their people as to espouse love as the true faith.

I love you, girl.

SH is an SH, BTW!

18 09 2006
weezalana

“And what is God but our interpretation of something which cannot be interpreted?”

I love that quote!

I for one find acts of evil done in the name of religion (which if anything should teach tolerance) one of the saddest ironies in life.

SH voodoo doll…SH voodoo doll…SH voodoo doll… 😀

19 09 2006
Elizabeth

The fact is every thing the head honchos said about the other guys has been true, but has also been true about the head honcho’s tribe, too. In the annals of history, very few folks come up smelling like roses.

So, if I was the hypothetical purple haired person, I’d say, Wow, yeah, our holy book and our leaders have said and done some outrageous things. But so have yours!

But then, I’m a creature of reason. Fundamentalism of any stripe tends to shy away from Reason.

19 09 2006
OldLadyPenPal

Precisely! People seem to forget that part about living in glass houses and throwing stones.

I guess, when you get right down to it, we could all stand a good, stiff bout of backyard-cleaning. It still boggles my little mind, though. And it makes me sad.

28 09 2006
Ed

I’m amazed anything that rusty can still float.
That goes for the picture as well.

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