I just ordered a butt-load of yarn.

8 08 2006

Now, whose butt are we talking here? Are we talking this butt? Or are we talking this butt? Yeah, you try Google image searches for “big butt” and see how many nekkid pics you get.
I love KnitPicks, I just wish their shipping would love me back. Why must my yarn and stuffs sit in Dallas at what they call a “sortation center” for DAYS on end? I placed an order last Tuesday and it’s STILL there. I’ve said it a billion times, but I’ll say it again- curse you sortation center!

Here’s something I’m pondering lately, and I have my beloved Pelota del Fuego to thank for helping me sort this out. I have a relative, I’ll call her “Mom”, who really might be mentally ill. Either that or she truly is *the most* self-absorbed person on the planet. I’m secretly hoping for mentally ill. She recently wrote letters to my sisters and me detailing some of her big “regrets”. Now, why would she do that? Truthfully, and here’s a little insight into my relationship with my mother, why do I need to know what her regrets are? My mother and I have a LONG history. My entire life, in fact. Har. One of these regrets was her deep and long-lasting friendship with someone I’ll call Sister E. Sister E is, in fact, a nun. Apparently the regret is spending time and engery on this relationship with Sr. E instead of with us children. Now, I’m a mother. I have two kids, I’m divorced, but I STILL make time for what I consider to be very necessary adult relationships. I think my mom’s mentioning this as a regret is really her way of avoiding some other rather obvious and gaping holes in the fabric of her motherhood. That sounds harsh and bitter, doesn’t it? Please understand that I say all this through a detached and as removed a position as possible. My mother wears me out. Her needs are bigger than my ability and desire to fill. And she’s not my responsibility.
I spent a while talking to my older sister about this. She agrees that the letter was not so much an apology of sorts as is it another call for attention. To that I say “Poor Mom.” And I mean it. She has some deep pain, she truly does. But unfortunately she’s chosen to carry it right on the surface and buried way below, all at once. She wears me out.
I know some women have a wonderful relationship with their mothers. I don’t. It’s not something that I feel I need, and certainly do not want. I don’t feel any guilt about that. But I do feel sad.
Mom, I don’t have anything to give you. And I don’t expect anything from you in return. I’m happy with the peace and quiet between us. Today I bought some Knit Picks WOTA in Tomato to make your Fuzzy Feet slippers. I even bought a ball of the Amythest color to make it Red Hat Ladyish for you. If you must have regrets, then let it be that it takes Knit Picks FOREVER to get me my yarn. I stand corrected. I soon will have slippers to give you. It’s something.




8 responses

8 08 2006
Penny Karma

Were we separated at birth?

8 08 2006

Are you saying this is the first twinge of Lost Twin Syndrome you’ve felt?

8 08 2006

Make that triplets…down to the fact that Mom hangs out with nuns.

8 08 2006

I am close to my Mum only in a very sibling like way (given that I was raised by my Grandparents I suppose that is only natural)but she always feels the need now to tell others how proud she is of HER little girl, like she had anything to do with it. It makes me sad for her. She constantly competes with me too…..amazing isn’t it? The issues that generation seem to have in abundance. I hope this generation of mothers (of which I am a part) manages to have a more healthy relationship with their children.

9 08 2006

I found you again, now I have can’t remember what it was I was giong to ask. Hang on a sec.

9 08 2006

You, like most of us are cursed with a (living) mother, you’ll miss Her when she’s gone. So take what time you have with her and take the mick gentley.
But what you have to remember is that sons turn into farthers an daughters turn into moms.
Chin, chin.

11 08 2006

Right! Getting a little afraid now.
Thing is I’ve been to or been visited by the sites in this reply, scary, knitting now takes a back seat in the scary-o-meter.

12 08 2006
Penny Karma

Um, is he talking about me?

Oh, it’s f*ckin’ ON

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